Sometimes I feel like a failure...

As A Mother that is.

I haven't been feeling the greatest. I've been just plain exhausted. Day in and day out of listening to three boys scream and fight has pushed me over the edge. My ears get REALLY sensitive when I'm pregnant as does my gag reflux. The last few weeks I've dealt with the 24 hour throw up flu with two of my kids, my five year old all of a sudden peeing his pants multiple times... still can't figure out why, and just the everyday stuff.

You know stuff. That really isn't that big of a deal. But when you are pregnant and not feeling well seams like a huge ordeal.

My middle child, Rylek, came to me in tears. His brother had pulled his monkey's leg off. After listening to them scream all afternoon it was the last straw. I was less than sympathetic. I told him too bad, they shouldn't be playing that rough. Go put it in my craft room and I'll fix it when I feel better.

Well, that was about 2 weeks ago. I'm finally waking up in the morning and feeling functional. Today is the first day I haven't thrown up in 7 weeks. Knock on Wood. I headed to my craft room to see what a disaster it was. I've been shopping online for Christmas and when something comes it just gets shoved in there. And I needed to organize it and figure out what I have for who. I open the door and I am greeted by this. Sitting neatly on the first box I see.

And my heart broke. I am THE WORST MOM EVER. Yes to me, it's a stupid monkey that shouldn't have been ruined because the boys should learn to play... well... less like boys... and they should be a little more quiet... and realize I'm sick... and... Well. That's what I thought at that moment. But that isn't the case. And now. I'm kicking myself in the rear. It shows right there the importance of this dear little purple monkey. Right there, in his own writing. "Fix This First Heart Rylek". It's not just a monkey. It's alot more.

After wiping away the tears and examining the little guy I noticed how hurt he really was. He was not only missing a leg but his insides were nearly coming out. He felt like I did. Only his hurt was hurting a little boy inside as well. And unbenown to me, so was mine.

So before I did anything else. I grabbed some thread and a needle. And sewed him closed with love. Sewed his leg back in place. It nearly took three minutes. That's it. Now he's waiting by the front door to welcome home his friend from school.

And I vow from today on out. To be better. To be focused. To not let down my kids. To take the three minutes, whether I have a bowl in front of me because I'm going to throw up or not. Because these are the things they remember. And I don't want them to remember... "Remember when mom had her baby in her tummy that she didn't move off the couch and was so grumpy?" No. I want them to remember... "Remember when mom had her baby in her tummy and she fixed my monkey even though she felt so sick." Because chances are... They won't remember the bowl and the throw up breaks I might have to take in between stitches. But they will remember the disappointment of me telling them to go... that I'm sick. I never want my kids to think I want them to go...

So today, I'm not going to be the Worst Mom Ever... ever again... I feel terrible. I can't wait for Rylek to come running through the doors from school so I can show him his monkey and tell him I'm so sorry!!!