There's Nothing Like Talking in Church on New Year's Day!

So last week my husband and I got to speak in church. It was rough. I wasn't feeling it at all! Normally I get my talk put together pretty quick and go over it and over it and over it for a few days. Not this time. It was literally at 2 am on Sunday that I was getting it all put together. I was nervous to say the least... but I thought I would share it with you anyhow... (Yes I just barely spoke about 6 months ago... what can I say... we move too much.)

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Well, I'm proud to announce that in approximately twelve minutes I will have officially completed my new years resolution. I only make one because it's about all I can accomplish in a year. And this year it was to speak in sacrament meeting, because it's one of my most favorite things to do. So I'd like to thank the Bishop for helping me start 2012 off with a bang and letting me enjoy the rest of the year as a successful person.

My family and I moved into the Ward in October. My husband is originally from Idaho and was raised on a potato farm. I am from Utah and was raised with 9 siblings. A little cliche for a Mormon couple, we know! My husband served a mission in South Chicago and he returned home and moved to Utah to start school. We met shortly after while working together. And although my husband doesn't like me to admit it in public, we got married. He was 22 and I was 18. Fast forward 11 years, 4 states, and 12 moves later it brings us to today. We have just finished up grad school down in Arizona and have come up here for our first real job. It's nice to know er are finally growing up! We have three boys. Three very loud, rambunctious, energetic boys. We don't expect anyone to ever remember their names or even pronounce them right. Brizden is our oldest. In a few weeks he will be turning nine. Brizden loves football. Playing football, watching football, thinking about football, talking about football, building legos, and reading books. Rylek is six. Rylek likes playing video games, folding, cutting, and coloring paper, and playing with his brothers. Ledger is four. Ledger is my little buddy. He loves his leappad, loves tagging along with his older brothers, and is often found cuddles up next to someone underneath a blanket. And since the word is out because I've either been leashed to the toilet, sink, or a bowl. And I am often found with a zip-lock bag in hand. I am indeed expecting. Next week it will be confirmed, but we are planning it will be another boy, so if you have any unique boy names, please let us know, we've seem to run out.

Well, when the Bishop called us he gave us two topics to speak on. Of course I quickly looked them up to see which one I thought would be the easiest to speak on. Now I'm regretting my decision. This past week I've had such a hard time trying to put down on paper anything that I want to say. The more I thought about it the harder it became. To be honest it wasn't until last night, or early this morning, rather, that is seems to come together. Which is completely not like me, so I hope what I have to say is something that someone here is needing to hear.

Elder Jeffrey R Holland gave a talk entitled The Best Is Yet To Be. At the very first of his talk Elder Holland reminds us of the Story in Genesis Chapter 19. The story of Lot and his wife. The Lord counseled Lot and his family to leave Sodom and Gomorrah. In verse 17 the Lord said, "Escape for they life." "Look not behind thee; escape to the mountain, lest though be consumed." After some negotiation and slight procrastination they left. We all know what happens next. Lot's wife looked back. And she was turned into a pillar of salt.

So why after being warned did Lot's wife look back? What was she longing for, holding on to, or resenting? Her attachment to the past was greater than her confidence in the future. Her desire to have her previous life was stronger than trusting the Lord and what he had in store to come for her in the future.

And that is just about where Elder Holland's talk became hard for me. Because he was talking to me. Being raised with 6 sisters, one being not even a year older, and one just over a year younger was full of drama to say the least. Even though two-thirds of us are officially over the age of eighteen and we've since added two sister in law's to the mix family get-togethers or family happenings usually still end with some sort of drama involved. And the drama usually lasts for weeks.

The problem is if you know me, you know I don't do drama. But what I so so really well with my sisters is the take it all in silently and put it on "your shelf" and let it sit there and sit there and sit there. Partially to drive you insane, but mostly because I have the hardest time quickly forgiving them, let alone ever forgetting when it comes to my family. After all, with 6 sisters you never know when you may need to pull something back off someones shelf and wave it around their head before your paper is waved around yours.

So turning back to Elder Hollands talk. One of the sections is conveniently titled, "Forgive and Forget." I quote, "There is something in many of us that particularly fails to forgive and forget earlier mistakes in life--either our mistakes or the mistakes of others. It is not good. It is not Christian. It stands in terrible opposition to the grandeur and majesty of the Atonement of Christ. To be tied to earlier mistakes is the worst kind of wallowing in the past from which we are called to cease and desist."

Not only do I have a hard time with my family, I have an even harder time with myself. It takes years before I can forgive myself, but I never can really forget. Perhaps this is what my resolution this year is meant to be.

We are taught to not dwell on days now gone nor to yearn for yesterdays no matter how good those yesterdays were.

The past is not the be relived but to be learned from. It is safe to say that Lot's wife looked back because she did not have faith. She believed the Lord could not give her anything better ahead than that which was good that she was leaving behind.

If we yearn to go into the past we hold ourselves back because faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives.

Elder Holland encourages us saying, "Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve."

We need to leave the past in the past. And in D&C 58:42 the Lord requires us by teaching, "He who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord remember them no more."

We must not only forgive, but we must do what is often harder. We must forget. And when it comes to mind again, we must forget again, and then we must forget again. We must have the faith to move forward.

If we turn to the Book Of Mormon we can find a perfect example of these traits and characteristics. Nephi. Who better than Nephi? Nephi's brothers were far more obnoxious and dramatic than my sisters have ever come close to, our any of us for that matter. Yet as it states in Nephi 7:21 He did frankly forgive his brothers for all that they had done.

Another great example pointed out to us be Elder Holland is Paul. Let's recall the Apostle Paul. Yes, he's the guy who in his early years was blessed with his birthright. His education. And his standing in the Jewish community. This same Paul converts to Christianity losing it all. But does it without looking back. Does it so that he may press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Jesus Christ.

I often wonder, if the Lord himself asked me to do something. Something that caused me to walk away from everything I currently know and have, would I do it.If the Lord came to you, would you do it?

Of course you would. Of course I would. Of course we would! So at the start of this new year I am not going to make a list of resolutions but rather, I am going to challenge myself to be more like Paul and more like Nephi, and a little bit less like Lot's wife. I'm going to not only forgive but to forget.

And today I'd like to give you all the same challenge. No more holding people back. No more holding ourselves back. Let's step forward this year.

Elder Holland finishes off his talk perfectly, and I'd like to quote him to finish off mine. "Some of you may wonder: Is there any future for me? What does a new years or a new semester, a new major or a new romance, a new job, or a new home hold for me? Will I be safe? Will I be sounds? Can I trust in the Lord and in the future? Or would it be better to look back, to go back, to stay in the past?

To all such of every generation, I call out, "Remember Lot's wife." Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the "high priest of good things to come"

Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant and far away. Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever."

And it's been so long. I don't remember how I ended:). I bore my testimony... you know... That I'm thankful for the opportunity I have to repent, and to forgive and to forget. That we get to study the Book Of Mormon this year. That Joseph Smith restored the Gospel and that he translated the Book of Mormon for us. La da da de dah...

So as I said... I had a really hard time with this talk. I hope I totally didn't bomb! Maybe, just maybe one of you needed to hear what I had to say... who knows...

I hope you're all having a great Sunday! I'm home with two boys with pink eye. Lovely.